Saying it
by WeasleyJunkie
Summary: Ron has difficulties saying the name


There was a quiet silence in the hospital wing. Luna Lovegood has taken to twirling her hair while staring out the window, Ginny had her knees curled up to her chest in the chair and seemed to be staring at the wall, Neville was playing with the cuff on his robes, Harry was standing next to Ron's bed picking up sweet wrappers off the ground and Ron was eating his 27th chocolate frog out of the huge pile next to his bed. Hermione shifted on her bed, closing the book in front of her and tried to find the correct words to fill the uncomfortable vibe that had filled the room.  
  
She cleared her throat, immediately drawing the attention of all those present and looked Harry in the eye.  
  
"Harry, you know we are all in this together, right? Know that we will never abandon you. We're here, Harry, we want to help stop Voldermort- FOR THE SAKE OF ALL THINGS MAGICAL RON, ITS JUST A NAME!" Hermione bellowed, quickly glancing sympathetically at Harry, who smiled back unconvincingly then shooting a glare at Ron. She hadn't expected herself to scream like that at him and only until after the last word left her mouth did she realize this was not a good time for Ron and her to have a row.  
  
She was glaring at him and could see him press his lips together before opening his mouth. Just as Ron seemed ready to retort another voice was heard.  
  
"You're Muggle-born"  
  
It wasn't a question. Luna had stopped twirling her hair around her finger and was looking at Hermione, a small smile forming in her face.  
  
"Well yes, but I don't see what that has." Hermione huffed out, before Luna interrupted her. "Yes, of course, that does make sense now" the girl replied, going back to her hair and to glancing out the window dreamily.  
  
Hermione didn't know how to react. Had there been a point to Luna's comment? Or had the Ravenclaw, like everything else that came out of her mouth, just decided to blurt that out with no relevance to the present conversation?  
  
She tried to keep her voice calm and steady, but instead heard her words come out through her teeth in a fury "What ARE you talking about?! DO YOU EVER THINK BEFORE YOU TALK?! THIS IS REAL!!"  
  
At this Luna snapped her head her direction, all signs of dreaminess erased from the girls' gray eyes. Luna's usual glassy-look what replaced with one of determination.  
  
"It's not just a name you know. It's something that's RAISED us. We've had to SEE our parents' eyes when an unusual occurrence happens; see the worry and fear they must mask on a regular basis to keep themselves strong for us, their children. We've had losses, terrible things happen to our family and friends; things that don't just stop hurting, even after years. I was born the year Harry saved the world, but that doesn't mean it was over. You haven't the memory of your father ushering your mother and yourself to the backdoor when a noise was heard downstairs. You haven't had to fear for your father's life and think that it might be the last time you see him over and over again, only to find that it was a mouse, or an owl that was creating the noise. Hearing the name and cringing is like breathing to us, its second nature. It's a habit we've had for 15 years of our lives without ever being told to stop. We aren't you, or Harry for that matter. We didn't just find out about magic 5 years ago. We don't go home to an ignorant family. We are different, not only our blood, but our way of life. You just have to give Ronald, and us, time." And with that Luna looked out the window as if nothing had happened and softly began humming 'Weasley is our King"  
  
Hermione was speechless, to say the least. Never had she heard so much in so little time come out of Luna Lovegood's mouth and have it all sting her right through her heart because, for the first time since Hermione had met her, had the girl made sense. And it hurt, because Hermione knew it was all right.  
  
She has always pushed herself to be the best, especially when it came to Hogwarts. She knew she had had a disadvantage when she started, so she had strived to make up for it. For the most part (Malfoy and his Mudblood comments excluded) she had managed to make everyone forget she was Muggle- born. She had managed to convince herself that magical blood and upbringing didn't matter. Only when she went to Ron's house 4th year did she realize how much her childhood had missed. From the tales she had heard of wand- nicking, broom flying and hexes from all the Weasley's, she had realized that her childhood would never be filled with these fantastic memories. She realized that every now and then Purebloods would look at her funny when she mentioned Muggle gadgets and literature; something that was so normal to her, which formed so much of her life would be seen as strange or even silly.  
  
Lost in her thoughts she didn't realize Harry, Neville, Luna and Ginny has exited the Hospital Wing. She looked around and only saw Ron, his head down as he fidgeted with his hands. He looked up, but not at her, as he spoke "They went to see if they could get some pastries for us, thought it might cheer us up. They said goodbye thought" he said, adding the last sentence as a sort of afterthought.  
  
They hadn't been gathered around much, all five of them, since the article on Voldermort had come out in The Daily Prophet and Hermione felt it her fault that they had left in such haste. Her temper these days seemed to rise alarmingly quickly, especially when it came to Ron and Luna. A little voice inside nagged every so-very often as to why these two were the object of her infuriation but for now she choose to ignore it. Bugger being a girl with so many thoughts and feelings; by Ron's standards, she should have exploded 2 years ago.  
  
She tried to catch Ron's eye but it seemed he was very interested in the bed sheets at the moment. Feeling very foolish for making Ron so uncomfortable she quietly slipped out of her bed, the pain in her stomach very slight, and tiptoed to Ron's bedside. He slowly turned towards her and when their eyes met she could see that, not only was he uncomfortable but confused bewildered and-something so quick had flashed past his eyes that she didn't get enough time to read it before he broke eye contact and spoke. "Hermione, look, you know Luna, she just likes to." He didn't finish the sentence, only chose to breathe out and give her a half smile. Not happy with how this was going she chose to just plunge into the situation.  
  
"Ron, look at me."  
  
And he did. He looked into her eyes with those large sky blue eyes that made her knees go weak. He looked at her with.was that guilt? Yes, it was! She had made Ronald Weasley feel guilty for something that he shouldn't. She was trying to find a way to get him to understand, to get him to forgive her for her rash behavior when he broke eye contact and spoke, "Hermione, look, its just going to take some time. I WANT to be like, you, like Harry, like Dumbledore, I want to be able to say the name. I just.I can't. Hard as I try, I can't," He let out another long breath and continued "And THAT really scares me, the fact that I can't bring myself to say his name! What does that make me, Hermione? What kind of coward can't even say his name? Am I a Gryffindor because of my qualities, or because I'm 'Just another Weasley'? I'm expected to fight him! I'm expected to help my best friend fight a guy whose name I can't even say!? Hermione, how am I going to help Harry?! How is Harry going to benefit from having such a cowardly, good for nothing best friend?"  
  
Hermione didn't have a clue as to what to say, so blurted out the first thing that came to mind, "Oh, Ron, you're not expected to do anything," immediately realized that, once again she had said the wrong thing.  
  
Ron, for his part, only laughed; a hollow, bitter laugh, at that, "Yes, I realize that, but you honestly can't expect me to leave my brother out there to whatever fate is in store for him. As far as I can, I'll help him," he said, "Just like I know you will." He reached out his hand and gently entwined his fingers with her own.  
  
She felt tears pooling at her eyes and drew a long breath before facing him and whispering, "Ron, I'm sorry. I-I understand, and I'm so sorry for making you feel like this, over a stupid name. I just.I just need you to be strong for us Ron. For Harry. For me. I need to know that you're going to be there, willing and ready to face him. Ron, you've kept me level headed in all this. Your commitment to us is nothing if not evident, but when I see you cringe, when I see your eyes at the mention of the name, my whole being shatters because if you're afraid, how do you think I'm feeling? If you can't be strong for me, how am I supposed to fight this? I'm not as strong as you, and when I falter, I look to you for support. I don't know how I'd get through without you" She paused for a bit and added "It's not just a name, I know that know. It's hard to see past myself sometimes" she said, and gave him a small smile. Ron matched her smile and squeezed her hand tighter.  
  
"Do you think you could see past yourself and see me?" he asked. Before Hermione knew what he was doing or had time to analyze his words, he leaned in, their nose touching before he whispered "We'll fight Voldermort and win, Hermione" and kissed her. 


End file.
